State Of Confusion

Its 2005.. brand new year....

I ended 2004 in a state of confusion....

For the first time in my life.. i did the send flower to office thingy to two gals... on the last day of 2004 which happens to be their bday eve as well...

Got my buddy very nice blue rose.. shop quoted mi a 6 stalk price..but gave her a 12 stalk..pretty nice ..saw the picture...and she love it... was so worried that she was not in the office to recieved the flowers...as i did see her online since morning,...finally she was online..after chatting a while the flower jus came...she said she was really happy to recieve it..cos is her fav blue rose..she was pretty down this few days..really glad the flowers can cheer her up...

As for the bonquet for the gal i am suppose to like....i told her few days ago that i got something to tell her on friday....ask her to be in office...
so.. she came online more early this time...normally she would only come online like 11+ then dissapear ..this time round she was online at 9+ all the way.. i knew she was waiting for mi to say something to her... i BLOCK her...she dint see mi online..so she sms mi

she:"fren are u alrite?'
me:ya, sorry was busy so cant get online...regarding what i m suppose to tell u..u will noe evenutally before u get off work somehow..
she:har? u full of surprises har? hmm..what is it?
me:u will noe real real soon ya?

as clock ticks by..its 12pm..the flower did not reach.. kinda worried it would be late and she cant recieved..so i got online..say hi to her.. and set my status to away..cos she started asking mi wat is it i wanted to tell her....while i was away i call the florist..so happen when i called they say they just reach..so i set my status back to normal...and told her

me:just wana wish u a very happy bday...may all ur wish come true.
waited for mins cause i noe she went to collect the flowers
she:marcus...........marcus...........................
me:ya?
she: i m speechless........
me: dun be.....
she: i m so touched......
she: i dun noe wat to say....
me:i dun expect u to say anything..as long as u like the flowers and i got my msg across its fine (i wrote how i felt abt her in a bday card)
she contiunes to say how touched she was and how speechless she is..
me:do take pic and show mi how the flowers looks like...i was quite worried it came late and u wun recieved it...
she:ok...
me: so i guess u have lost the rights to say u r very sian for this year bday ya? (she been complainig very sian to mi abt her bday)
she:heez....

i have to rush for company lunch..so i say goodbye to her and log off...

got her mms a while later..she looks happy wif the flowers..so that is abt it...

i m glad to see tat she likes the flower..but very very upset...inside mi..
i m really confused..why do i do this..i ask myself do i really like her? but i m lost..
fren told mi i shld be having a liking for her..if not i wouldnt do all these..but i told her actually i dun noe.. i m really confused...

msg her moments ago wishing her happy bday.. her reply was thanks.. happy new yr to u too..
feel kinda lost wif this reply..i think i m expecting too much....i m lost.. i cant even determine if i like her...........

Life has changed...i m defeated

Sad to say... my life has changed....somehow i become more boring... less things to say... less enthusiasim in almost everything...
All i m good is perharps my work?my social life seems to be in a mess...

Went out wif a couple of fren yesterday... i was really tired mentally... met them... walk about..dint really talk much..cause i am not bad mood or wat so ever..actually i m feeling pretty relax...jus dun wana talk....

eventually we end in in the lounge of orchard mandarin hotel... pretty nice place... ordered a glass of their "TALL M" drink..nice cocktail... very orange taste... basically i just set there..enjoy my drink and the nice live performance of jazz and soothing music by the performer on stage...while my frens was talking away... a fren keep asking mi why i so quiet.. i dint tell her much..i suppose they must be thinking i must have xin shi..but it isnt so... i jus dont have much to say to them....the whole nite i jus seat away in my own seat and enjoy the music..until i went home.

what has happen to mi? the joking and crazy fathope has really become a boring fathope...maybe i am just tired of things....or maybe i really lack love? love is something which i cant obtain..or likeness from someone special..i cant force it... no amount of $can buy that...i admit defeat in this so call love world..jus not my cup of tea...sigh...

Today went out wif a fren..met her ard 5pm to shop for a while... saw an old poly mate..he thought tat we are an item..but obviously we are not... hate the fact that when ppl see mi wif a gal tat gal must be my gf... i m so sian...time and time i have to tell them i m single...i wish i can be attach..like everyone on the street of orchard or suntec on a weekend... whenever i walk on these street alone i feel so lost...sigh.. envious,jealous..whatever it is. i feel horrible....

well.. her bf requested to meet her and mi for dinner..but boring fathope really feels werid if we were eating together so i told her she can go ahead wif her bf while i left her a walk alone in suntec...called a few frens to check if they can meet but none was available...sigh..all my frens have their own fren... while i seems to be alone...if they are busy.....if onli i can get attach...i noe sitting here typing and complain i wan to be attach doesnt really make mi one...but time and time i have tried...no chance for mi...maybe like what i have always say to ppl..i really am goin to be a bachelor...cant see myself getting a gf....i must admit i m defeated..........

Likeness...

do i like her?? i ask myself ... but i dont know... what do i like in her? of cos she physically appeals to mi... she is cute... but i jus knew her for like 1 week? seen her like only twice?
can this feeling be decieving ???...

fren ask mi how is she? never call her? mi and her how liao.. i know they are concern..but i really feel sian and pressured when they asked...

i really tried my best to take the smallest step i can go..but wif them asking mi all these.. i know is not their fault but the pressured somehow hasten mi.. i did things which i normally wun do.. like call her up ask her how is she? i mean is normal for a guy to call the gal he likes to chat..but seriously speaking i aint a talkative person... somehow i feel like i m a pest? i hope not lor...

she never rejected my request for chat and entertain mi.. i m glad... i sense a bit of awkwardness in her when i went out wif her.... not sure why is it so... over the phone is ok.. well perharps if i can see her face when we talk over the phone i can see her awkward face?

hmm... this awkwardness shows on and off when i have detail conversation with her..for mi aso same.. i think i give her the same look sometimes.. for mi is becos i like her... for her maybe is becos she is uncomfortable? of cos i aso wish tat the awkwardness comes frm her likeness for mi...but i doubt so... she mention to mi that she wouldnt fall for a guy so fast anyway...

suppose to be talking to her now...but got sms few hrs ago ..she told mi she is having her usual headache and she needs to sleep early.... kinda dissapointed..cause cant hear her voice though.. but what is impt she get rest ...hmm..

imagine if she hasnt had this headache. i wun be writing this blog..hee..life is as interesting as it seems.. full of twist... =)

my mind is kinda messy now...

again and again this same feeling keep coming from diff gals..but things doesnt turn out the way i want... it really doesnt help in my morale at all...but what to do... =)

i m in a dilemma.... things are better said than done.. ya definately. tell my fren to go slowly lar blah blah.. sound really easy har..but i myself cant even practise it....

she is cheerful, kai lang... hmm really chatty.. and i enjoy going out with her...
what other things do i know abt her? seriously speaking i do not know... all i know is her name,age,stay where... likes to do wat... and of cos her contact number....

is there something else which i had to know to prove that i really like her? i guess not.. i m not interested in her past... she did mention to mi she had a very bad relationship..but i did not ask much..

i already know that TIME and more outings with her will really tell whetherr i like her or not...
ah... this feeling really feels awful...

The game of love...

what a title... i aint playing this game at the moment..not for the last 3-4 yrs....
why this topic then? cause... my close frens seems to be somehow stuck in this game.. and they need a walk thru... jus like me when i m stuck in ps2 where do i go? www.gamefaqs.com is the site...=)

so for them i m some sort of a walk thru writer.... aka uncle agony?
i m 'writing' walk thru for a few frens now... jus compeleted a walk thru on a chapter of the game code name"THE TRAP".. well well.. of cos walk thru is jus a guide...they can choose not to follow watsoever...why am i writing walk thru when i m in quaterly life crisis? perharps i m not in the game and i can see clearer? ah..crap.....
so lets go into this chapter code name "THE TRAP"... this is a tricky game... and the player recommanded age is 13-16... (secondary sch student who likes to use the word "STEAD")

but strange enuff guys of the age of 23 bought this game and played it...HOHOHO....
so so... handed the walk thru to my fren .. somehow or rather perharps the walk thru isnt good enuff.. she choose to play the game without using it... and what is more impt is the fact that..she change the difficulty of this game to HARD...which i can see it coming..anyway is non of my business... i m tired of walk thru.. i need one too..

COURTING GALS FOR DUMMIES seems good for mi.......

First ever post (How it arrive)

yeah.. my first ever post on a blog site...
Never cross my mind that i would even register an account in such a site ...but..well well.. here i m sitting in front of my desk typing away ....

times has change i guess.... quaterly crisis seems to had somehow hit me, in one ways or the other... bored, sian,f*** is the word i keep using .....

Just finish a long long session of ps2.... just to vent my boredom i choose a game call WWE:SMACKDOWN VS RAW (pls go bang the wall if u do not know the genre of this game).....
using someone call Bastita .. attempting to win the so call title ....why am i typing this? perharps just to reflect on this blog how boring i am....

Got small giddiness and so decide to off my ps2 darling and returned to the cyber world in attempt to find someone to talk to....so i happen to talk to my fren... how did i kick off my conversation with him? i asked him "fren had ur dinner?"

went thru his blog and got me thinking..maybe i shld start too.. yeah i did..hopefully my pc doesnt hang or what after typing so much...

here it goes my first ever post TADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
more to come..........